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  • Kanika Bhatia

Who would have thought?

There is an internal joke between my sister and me. All the struggles I go through, seem to come to me via my sister. It’s almost like clockwork. It happens to her, I ridicule it and her till I go through the exact same thing. To give you some context, teenage struggles with mom, losing virginity and hesitating to talk about it with your sibling, relationship issues and countless others. This continued till I was in my mid 20s, and lacked finesse in thought processes. It’s not entirely untrue that 25 wakes you up. Beyond the questionable age of enlightenment, comes the static era of wisdom. You know better, or perhaps aim to.

Last year when she got pregnant, I was the first person after the partner in crime to know about it. I kind of hold that position with pride. But besides being privy to this beautiful, new and often uncomfortable journey, I can confess that I wasn’t of much help. Partially I can put it on the lockdown, but if I have to really honest, I don’t think I understood the depth of this process with her. Perhaps I would have done better had I lived it in her physical proximity, but can I say that with confidence? Maybe not. While I try and not judge, it’s tough for me to understand the vibrancy of her emotions till I live them myself. As much empathy as I boast of, somehow with your sibling it tends to be taken for granted. Law of nature, or singularly applicable to me is a debate I have often had. This difference of experience is sometimes so stark, that I sometimes fail her as a sibling, and it’s only natural. Being the younger one, you tend to detest the elder one for things they get away with, for privileges extended. Ironically, they like to believe the same.

But the force of nature is all powerful. For the first time in 30 years, I think I have come close to feeling a similar bout of chemical reactions at the same time. This 2.7 kg mass of bones, muscles and lot of wonder seems to be tugging at our hearts at the same time. He is edible magic, and at three days of existence in this world, when I held him for the first time, I believed in unicorns all over again. It was uncanny. How is it that someone you just met is capable of playing at the L word almost pouring out of you? How is that you adore, stare at a living being with so much wonder? Even love at first sight is often dismissed as physical infatuation most times. This was love, pure, raw love in its truest format. And we both felt it.

Relationships, every relationship (even the horrible ones) serve a purpose. This one, I like to believe, is to get me and her closer. To make me experience the depth and breadth of emotions I am capable of. The selfless love I can shower on a being who doesn’t serve a practical function in my life. I am loving the sense of hyperbole he brings to my life. The essentialism like coffee. I even love the rushed superstitions to protect this little thing. Superstitions are comfort sometimes, and you shouldn’t deny comfort in these times. I am glad he is here, it was a long pending twist to the story of the siblings.

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