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  • Writer's pictureKanika Bhatia

Pleasure is all mine.

The convent system of education isn’t really equipped to deal with sex as a concept. Outrageous to some of you reading this, I suggest you hold that thought for the next 1.5 minutes.

Our value education classes weren’t limited to just knowing how cleanliness is next to godliness, or that compassion to strangers goes a long way. They also had underlined session (plural would be overestimating the importance in a convent) of how touching yourself is probably the scariest thought you’re ever going to have as a young girl.

If it wasn’t for an accidental stumble on ‘Cruel Intentions’ as a teenager, I probably wouldn’t have known the concept entirely. But our education system gets to you. So much so, I have never managed to flick the bean (if I may be as crude) till I was 21. Masturbation was as much as a no go subject, as much as sex in an all girls convent school. Even though rumours seem to counter it, I don’t recall ever having a real conversation, even peripheral, with my girls back in the day. It was either giggled away, or used against blasphemous interactions between so and so. I doubt even the 8th chapter in class 10th text books, really opened up the conversation. Even today, while sex and preferences around it, have become a common topic, masturbation still remains the awkward cousin everyone wants to avoid at gatherings.

If it was upto the Indian society, we all would be like queen bees, who have sex once in their lifetime, store the sperm for 5 years and reproduce. But our primate instinct got the better of us. And thankfully so. Masturbation is effective in a lot of things, besides releasing that sexual tension. Of the top of my head (no pun intended), it boosts concentration, improves sex, enhances sleep quality. Something whose only precaution, like all other good things in life, is to avoid excess, we seem to be talking a lot less about it. A lot of things improve your life- helmet, apple, cholesterol medication, a good lawyer and masturbation. The last deserves atleast one write up.

Engaging the finger puppets as a teenager is a much different experience. Personally, it made me question if am the only one with an urge to do it (I wasn’t). This ménage à moi was my dirty little secret, till I discovered it’s literally everyones. I have always been very comfortable with my sexuality, but I have been nothing but creative with my euphemisms to avoid a real talk around my DIY time. It’s no breaking news that India as a society hasn’t been ready to talk about sex and periods up until few years back, and masturbation still comes down on the list. But here’s the irony, with large number of women not really accepted for being vocal about what they need in bed, this has been their go to mechanism. I personally know women whose only way out of a bad sex life is fanning the fur. There are long lists of articles on how many times it’s healthy for a man to jerk off, but ladies, masturbation for us still remains a mystery even to us.

Whether it’s the toilet hand shower, a vibrator or the old school DIY dildos, we have to be careful with our choice of apparatus. Go for the old school hand if you wanna play the downstairs DJ safely, but do it. It’s healthy for you. Even if you have a great sex life, masturbation remains a healthy practise. No one can get you off better than you can. This applies to matters of heart, head and the bean.


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